Sitting, waiting and trusting are not easy for me… let’s be honest who is it easy for, right? I recently found myself taking in far too much advice and information regarding my injury. All my seeking from outside sources brought me to a breaking point and made me realize how much I fear failure and the inability to bring a dream to fruition.
What if if you have to let go of a dream?
What if you have to surrender it so God can bring about the change or accomplishment?
For me running is something I plan, train and accomplish. It’s one thing I feel like I have control over. I use to dream of so many things and yet no matter how hard I try I have yet to accomplish them… but running I had control over. Running I was able to will my way to the finish.
Having failed at many things in my life running was the one success I could hold onto in my life.
Sad but true!
I have failed at losing weight.
I have failed at leading a church ministry.
I have failed at having a second baby.
I have failed at gaining control of my food issues.
I have failed at keeping friendships.
I have failed at school.
I have failed at being the perfect wife and mother.
I have failed at plenty of things.
Running was something I have yet to fail at because no matter how slow I ran I have always crossed the finish line on race day.
Until now, when I find myself stuck in a holding pattern. In a place of resting and trusting in my physical therapist and Father to bring me to a place of healing and peace.
You see even when I run with God I am still in control. I control my pace. I control my playlist. I control which races I set my sights on.
But maybe this is the problem. Maybe I am holding on too tight to my own dreams and wishes. Maybe I am not letting go enough to let God work in me and through me.
This season of undoing me is bittersweet and exhausting yet I am fascinated by all Father is teaching me in this life. I do not have to be perfect and I certainly can NOT control all outcomes in my walk and life. I have to sit and rest… trusting in Father to lead me the way. No matter which way He leads me this month I am vowing to trust in Him and to be still until He gives me peace about the answer.
If you are struggling today find a quiet place and just sit with Father. He wants to bring healing and rest to your weary soul. He wants to bring you a new place of joy and hope. Let go of your fears and lean into Father… He has so much more for you than this world has to offer.
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