Failure is my biggest fear.
The thought of failure haunts my dreams and the voices in my head feed off my fears. I have tried my best to suppress the need to succeed and be good enough yet it continues to rear its ugly head.
Six weeks into my half marathon training I endured an injury to my knee. I went to the doctor and was told I was over training and needed to back off the miles. I did as my doctor suggested but sadly woke the morning after the Hot Chocolate 5K barely able to walk. Despite willing myself to heal I ended up starting physical therapy three-week ago.
Life happens and reality sets in… facing the music is no fun but it’s a necessary evil in this journey called life.
Allowing others voices and my own inner voice push me to this breaking point of admitting defeat took me to a dark place of despair and struggle. I had a choice to make… allow defeat to overcome me or face the struggle with peace and patience. Instead of backing out of my race and giving into the chaos in my head and from others I chose to embrace the struggle instead of deciding what I would do on race day.
As the past three weeks have unfolded I have had good days, terrible days and days of struggle and defeat. I decided each day was its own and I would take the advice of the professionals and ease my way back into longer runs.
No, my cardio is not where it was but my knee is stronger and in less pain.
No, I am not feeling 100% confident about my race in ten days but I have peace in the midst of the struggle.
No, I am not even sure I will be able to cross the finish line in ten days but I have peace about picking up my race bib.
Learning to love the struggles in our lives is not easy…. it probably never will be easy but giving up on ourselves and allowing others to get into our heads is not going to bring us peace. Leaning into Father and building my strength up in my leg will certainly take me farther in this journey then sitting on the couch and wonder what if I tried… and succeeded.
In ten days I will embark on a 13.1 mile journey that may or may not end up being steady and pretty. What I do know is that I will not being running alone and that I know in my heart this struggle will give me strength for all of the struggle I will face in the future.
I will NEVER give into the pain of defeat.
I will NEVER allow the struggles to sideline me from life.
I will NEVER give up on myself.
I will NEVER give up on my goals.
I will NEVER lay down and allow the struggles of life to swallow me whole.
You, too can face your struggles and fears head on… NEVER giving up on yourself or your dreams… no matter what life throws at you today, tomorrow or in the future. Learning to love our struggles will take us farther that fear, anxiety and depression.
Let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Hebrew 12:1 NIV
Today is the Third Thursday Blog Hop for Hearts at Home and our theme is Love Your Struggles. To find more inspiring stories visit Jill Savages website here.
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